Members of the northern Natal tribes of South African greet one another by saying “Sawa bona,” which literally means: “I see you.”

The response is “Sikhona” which means: “I am here.”  This exchange is important, for it denotes that “until you see me, I do not exist; and when you see me, you bring me into existence. Members of these tribes go about their day with this personal validation from everyone they encounter – seen for who they are. This speaks to the greater intrinsic human need for validation, which we all share. Compared to greetings in American and most western cultures, this kind of deep acknowledgement of the other on a daily basis is far more human, vital and supports the well-being and integrity of the entire community. Our western way of saying, “Hello, how are you?” lacks this depth.

Often we greet in an automatic, and rather perfunctory way, not really paying attention to the other’s response, which may very well be “Well, I’m not doing so great.” We expect and assume a standard and safe retort from the other, such as: “I’m fine, and you?”

Too often this exchange is not meant to go any deeper than superficial pleasantries. We hear what we want to hear because we don’t want to or have time to engage at deeper levels. We are not comfortable with and avoid those kinds of openings and intrigues. The use of this greeting: “I see you” in the movie Avatar does not originate from the minds of Hollywood. However, it is powerful validation on how indigenous cultures have evolved their practices of interpersonal communications and in the manner in which they value and honor ‘the other.’ We have a lot to learn from such cultures of people whom are generally regarded as ‘undeveloped or uncivilized.’

What we stand to learn from these South African tribes is the importance of being ‘present’ with every person we greet during each day. Our presence with them validates them. We must watch and manage our tendency to rush through greetings, our tendency to not listen to others as they share their point of view or frame of thought, our tendency to get busy formulating our assumptions and rebuttals while watching the other person’s lips move, and our tendency to impose criticism or even advice when it is not invited. These are forms of abuse, which often leave people feeling bereft, assaulted and carrying a sense of ‘dis-ease’ from a simple personal exchange in ways they cannot put a finger on. And it tears away at the fabric of their future personal interactions because this ‘hurt’ energy must be relieved and acted out in some way.

The words we use in our everyday communications from the moment we rise to the moment we lay down to sleep are tools. They are tools that keep our life running. They can ignite or ruin our day. Our words energize or deflect relationships. We must be careful how we treat others with our words. We must not allow technology, the rush of everyday living or our own personal stresses and preoccupations to turn us into vacant, frightened talking heads. It’s a good thing to make the full acknowledgement of the other as a valued everyday practice, and when we can exit a conversation with the satisfaction of knowing that we brought someone else into existence!

Dr. Elizabeth Taylor is an award winning author, Professor and Founding President of Wisdom To Go, a 501(c)(3) organization. Wisdom To Go helps people realize their human and spiritual potential through innovative media concepts and tools.  Wisdomtogo.com – This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it